The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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