I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
