And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
