she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
