If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
