If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
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