ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
