I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
