just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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