They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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