so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
