no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
