I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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