Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
