you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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