All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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