I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
