if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
