God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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