Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We are two peas in an std pod
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
