i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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