im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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