He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
