I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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