i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
