Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
