She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
