somebody snuck up and got me drunk
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
