dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
