At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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