I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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