we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
