just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
