I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
