Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
