seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
