Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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