I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
