I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
