maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
