I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
we have pet lesbian snakes
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
