found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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