You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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