I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
