The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i will never coherently bang her
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
