HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
