he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
