I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
