I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
