I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
